Everything is finally falling into place. After a 5 1/2 year bachelor's degree and numerous changes about my future; from fashion merchandising (I don't know) to nursing, to physician assistant, to doctor, back to PA, back to nursing, back to PA and finally settling back on nursing.
I really wanted to be a PA, it seemed that they had all the benefits of being a physician with none of the drawbacks. They weren't on call (false) , they didn't have malpractice insurance (some do) they could choose to work part-time, school was only two years and half the price, all while maintaining autonomy. The truth of the matter is that PAs work long hours, are on call, and sometime male PAs are hired over females because they weren't going to go on maternity leave (which I'm pretty sure is illegal by the way). Also, now that I work on the back end of medicine doing referrals for a large medical group, I've become a bit disenchanted with the whole managed care, bureaucratic bullshit end of medicine. Additionally, getting in to PA school is no easy task. I really only had one option and I put everything into that one school. I worked as a PT tech for patient experience, I joined all the honor's societies at school, I maintained a 3.8 throughout college. I thought I had everything they could want, but apparently I did not. When I didn't get accepted, I was devastated. I had been planning on being a PA (waffling a little) for the past three years. I took all the prerequisite coursework, I even choose a degree path that would allow me to finish sooner, I didn't see myself doing anything else. I didn't want to do anything else. I had worked so hard for this one career. See my problem was that I just wanted to get everything done before we started having kids, because ultimately that's the job I really want.
Since I decided to go into medicine I knew I wanted to do obstetrics and gynecology. No matter what specific profession I was doing I wanted to work in women's health. Although I'm still not planning on having kids until after I start my career, I already look online at baby gear and clothing and other baby paraphenalia. During one of my many sessions meandering around the internet I came across a blog about one man's story about the building of his family. He was a freelance writer and photography and spook candidly about his wife's pregnancy. From his site I came across numerous blogs about pregnancy and childbirth and attachment parenting. Each site offering different experience and resources. On a couple of these blogs I found a recommendation for a book on childbirth:
Pushed. I read it and it seemed to confirm in me something that was there all along. I wanted to work in obstetrics and I was going to become a midwife. It was one of the only times that I can remember just feeling it was the right decision. Once that decision was made everything fell into place. I withdrew my application from the PA program and found an accelerated, 18 month nursing program for students who already had a bachelor's degree. Although I had to take an entrance exam and be put on the waitlist, I rocked the exam scoring in the 90% on both sections (not like the GRE, yikes) and got through the waitlist to reserve a spot in the program for the Fall of 2010. Now I just have to finish my prereqs and get through the program. I know there is still bureaucratic bullshit in nursing but I also know that I can be there for the patient, to support and advocate for them, and some day, after I get my CNM, help them bring their babies into the world.
