Since starting this blog, I've always attempted to portray a certain image. No, it started long before that. I've always tried to be perfect. I know, I know, no one's perfect, but that doesn't stop me from trying. I mean, I was the kid who put on her girl scout uniform to play with my happy meal toys, because that is what the little girl in the commercial did. Now it's more my own vision of perfect, where I always dress cute, have painted nails and a spotless, perfectly decorated house while I float through a life of lunches with friends, make fabulous dinners, and go away on weekend trips.
The truth about me is my nails are rarely, if ever painted, and sometimes I'm in my pajamas until 2 in the afternoon. My husband works all night and sleeps all day, so I'm usually home until I leave for school at 5, blogging, cooking, doing laundry, picking up the house. Then I sit idly in mind numbing lectures, come home, watch TV, then start the whole cycle over again. I don't exercise enough, I don't like to run errands without Mike (he makes everything fun). My house usually is picked up, because that's just how I like it, but there's cat hair on the couch, dust on the tables (I'll never get black furniture again) and the stairs always need to be vacuumed.
One of the things I've learned from Facebook and blogs is that it's almost as though people are trying to prove how busy/exciting/difficult their life is. I had a conversation with a good friend about this. She used the example of a woman posting a picture of the flowers she received from her husband. Is it really about the flowers, or are people just narcissistic enough to want other people to know they received flowers? I don't want to be the girl with the flowers. I don't post pictures of food and recipes to say "look how awesome I am for making such an amazing meal." I post them because they're delicious (and they're not all delicious) and I want to share the recipe with people. People that work with Mike (hi!) think we eat very "fancy", which makes me laugh because we still eat hotdogs and tacos and sometimes I eat popcorn for dinner. But we also enjoy cooking, which wasn't always the case. We survived on hamburger helper and hot dogs the first year we lived together, because we had no idea what were doing and it was easy and cheap. After tiring of this, Mike and I used to fight all the time about what to have for dinner before I caved and made myself come up with a system of meal planning. After that we learned to cook over time, I watched a lot of Everyday Italian, and things got easier. But even 6 years later I still follow recipes. It's the same with going green. I don't talk about it because it's trendy, and I think I'm better than other people, but because it's something I truly care about and want to share with others. I love this stuff and it's my outlet from nursing diagnoses and patient care plans.
I think it is easy to get discouraged in life when it seems other people pull things off so flawlessly, especially when I see women blogging with gorgeous homes, beautiful, well behaved children and talking about their international vacations. I wonder how to get into that secret society of successful bloggers with seemingly perfect lives. It's like a sorority and I don't know the secret handshake.
Actually though, I'm happier than I've ever been, even though there is cat hair on the couch and I sometimes don't get dressed until after lunch. Sometimes I have these little moments of clarity, of happiness, and I savor those little moments. I never want to be on autopilot. I want to laugh at Olive everyday, laugh out loud at the grocery store, and smell the rain outside. I want to sing really loud in the car, get drunk with my family, and hug Mike 10x a day. And when we have kids, I know it will be scary, crazy, and stressful. But I'm excited. Excited to love my children and everything that comes along with them. That's what this blog is about. Finding those little moments in life and trying to stretch them out, enjoy them, and remember them. Taking those things that make me happy and trying to share that happiness, even a little bit, with others. So, expect more of what defines me and the life I've designed. My food photos aren't as pretty as some, but they're real. Not everyone cares about babies, but it's my passion. Some people find living an environmentally friendly lifestyle to be a waste of time, but it's something I truly care about. Enjoy.
